These days I cannot name my feelings,
Some mornings pain, some nights pure fear;
Some dawns bring joy, some dusks bring peace.
Yet in the storm of my emotions,
I have found refuge in your love.
They said your love would still my trembling heart,
That it would answer every question there.
So I reached into your arms and asked,
Only to find my fears illuminated,
My hidden doubts laid bare,
Questions multiplying in the silent depths.
Panic seized me as confusion’s tide
Rushed over my ankles, then my knees;
I wept until the waters rose,
Until they lapped against my waist.
To onlookers, I seemed lost in your fullness,
Yet I was drowning.
Then your hand appeared,
And desperation welled within me:
Desperate to be heard,
Desperate to be seen,
Desperate to be loved.
Still I wonder,
When did your love cease to be enough?
When did my steadfast assurance
Begin to waver in my heart?
When did your grace grow distant,
Your presence feel like a stranger?
How far have I drifted?
How deep have I sunk?
Where do I turn now?
“Help, help me,” I cry,
Though I do not wish to go further,
Nor sink any deeper.
My hands are lifted – not in surrender
But in longing,
Longing to be reached,
Longing to be found.
Please don’t give up on me.
I know so much love surrounds me,
Yet still I falter.
I need you more than ever;
These inner conflicts
Prove tougher than my first convictions.
I am still your little girl,
Years may have reshaped me,
But in this season I know,
More than ever before,
I am still your baby girl.
Here I stand,
Clinging to hope,
Even on stormy waves.
Heart to Heart: On Stormy Waves
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