So I was going through the stuff I had written last year in my thanksgiving logbook when I came across something that struck me. I wasn’t only surprised by what I had written or the depth of it but also grateful for the growth that had occurred right after that. Reading through it I realized that acknowledging the disconnection had been an avenue for growth and I would like to share some of it with you here 😁
Here goes…
“Normally, I would go straight to thanksgiving but tonight it’s 11pm on a Sunday night and I’ve just discovered how much of my days I’ve wasted. I’m ashamed to say I haven’t been numbering my days. You Lord have blessed me with all the platforms necessary for success but I’m still struggling because I’ve disconnected myself from the fountain and now I’m trying to produce water from a well that is no longer connected to the endless supply of living waters.
So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts into wisdom.
Psalm 90:12
Procrastination has become the norm for me, excuses have become my cushion. Laziness I have made a close friend and the goals I saw so clearly I can’t seem to achieve. I have swamped myself in so much activity that I’ve become impressive but still feel empty, feel outside, alone, and tired.
I still love You so much, I’m getting better understanding of Your Word but I’m losing application (the result of theological contemplation of the word😔). There are days I cry and I don’t know why I’m crying. My spirit needs You. I need Your help God. The logos I’ve consumed cannot help me, I’m tired of this tiredness. I need You, I want to make You proud, I want to bless Your heart.
You know my heart and the things that plague it.
I’M SEEKING A DIVIDE.
Please separate me from my inadequacies, wrap me in Your Love and help me please You. I want to wake up every morning with a purpose and sleep knowing I fulfilled it. I want to live everyday as the last day of my life. Take life one day at a time, cast my cares on You and end each day like it was the last day of my life. I want to live in Love with You, swamped in Your presence and ready to see You. I totally had other things to talk to You about this night but they mean nothing if I lose You.
Here’s Your daughter, I rededicate my life to You, consume my heart, my thoughts, my fears, my joy, my pleasures and make me right with You till I depend on You as my EVERYTHING and ENOUGH.
With my everything ❤️
Xhoe”
Oof…that was a very lengthy one 😅
But it was the cry of a child who had strayed so far although it didn’t seem that way on the surface level. Looking back I remember that it was spurred by a song and poem I had just listened to by Annatoria titled ‘The Divide’
However, acknowledging the fact that all wasn’t okay was the space and room I had to give for growth. Until we discover that there’s something inadequate in our growth process, we won’t be able to embrace a change.
If you’re that person out there who is yet to discover that loophole in your growth process, maybe it’s time for an appraisal because we all have some work to do when it comes to this. Also, if you already have discovered a few things that you ache about, it is a call to prayer, a call to a renewed relationship, a fresh commitment and believe me when I say God’s got you and will see you to the finish.
Remain BLESSED, FAVOURED and HAPPY in God’s presence 🙏🤍
With Love 💕
Zhowhiee
If you have gone through a rededication process of some sort and would like to encourage someone else with your experience, please comment below 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼🤗
PS : Here are some of the videos that spurred the craving for the divide, feel free to indulge please 😁😁😁
